My motherhood is different than yours.
It’s true. I stick out like a sore thumb. It’s uncanny to be a mother to one especially one who is no longer so little.
I didn’t plan it this way. I don’t know exactly what I planned. I just know that it wasn’t this. If you ask my little (he’s still little to me!) guy he’ll tell you we’ve had talks about him having siblings for years but the plans have just never quite worked in our favor.
I know that our situation begs for answers. It does seem curious. The truth is a lot of what has us here is very painful to explain and there really isn’t one answer. That, however, is not the intent of this post.
Several years ago as I started to see that things were not going to work out as planned I got a little worried. People started to ask questions and I started to search for answers. We set deadlines for change but those dates would come and go. The frustration consumed me. Life revolved around being like everyone else. Every day conversations became continual renditions of “everyone else this” and “normal people that.” Why couldn’t we just be normal?
That question haunted me. Normal looked appealing. Normal begged no questions. Normal was what we were SUPPOSED to be.
Life continued on and eventually I had to let the question sit. It was exhausting trying to figure it out day in and day out.
Then one normal day while working the same old question arose. “How many kids do you have again?”
“Just one.” I answered.
“Just one? One is never just.” She replied and for the first time I actually paused to think about it.
That one made me a mother. That one made my heart so happy. That one was how it was meant to be for now and oh what a privilege it is to love him.
Yes my motherhood is different than yours.
But, whose isn’t?
There is no normal.
Motherhood is a journey of pain, tears, learning, adapting, joy, and love.
Every journey unique to those who walk it.
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