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I love that we are so close to Las Vegas, Nevada. We are in the southern part of Utah and so we get people in the studio from Arizona and Nevada all the time. It seems we are a bit cooler than both those places so people tend to like to come and visit.
These three came to visit the studio to show off their new baby brother. The whole family is ecstatic that he’s here! In fact they were told two kids was all they would get so number three is a miracle they are all happy about! Not to mention that mom is happy to have him out since it has been SO hot. It is July after all and we do live in the desert!
Here are a few of my favorites from their Las Vegas Newborn Photography session at the studio in St. George, Utah.
Photography was never my career choice. I was always a “smart kid” and had “tons of potential.” When the people you know peg you as “that kid” photography isn’t really on the list of career choices and possibilities. I guess people just expect something big from you and so you begin to expect that from yourself. I’ve been a perfectionist since day one because “I can do better,” or at least that’s what I was told. I take it to heart. I know every mistake I’ve made and I always know where I could do better. The pain is real. The struggle is hard and in this industry every bit of slack is crucial.
Thinking back I’ve had a camera in hand since I was ten. It was just something fun for me then and honestly I had no idea what I was doing for a long time. I just loved the feeling of creating. I always felt I had the soul of an artist. I feel emotions so deeply and art can often move me to tears. I feel…everything. I tried my hand at many forms of art but as I said before as “that kid” art wasn’t exactly encouraged. I decided I’d become a writer. I love words. You can touch peoples souls with words but as you can see my grammar…it is awful. That career choice burned into ashes after I put my soul into words. I showed it to my hardest critic (name with held) only to hear “that’s depressing.” I tore it to pieces privately and rarely wrote again. I’m terrified just writing this of the bad grammar lash I’m bound to get but, I warned you. Then the camera found its way back into my hand. It took me awhile to find my niche but once that unassuming, sweet baby got in front of my lens I knew I found my love. I wanted everyone to feel what I felt. Parenthood is a hard calling and everyone needs to see and have a piece of that THIS IS WORTH IT art. That photo that gets you through the hard days and reminds you of the good and great. I wanted to share that. I wanted to GIVE that.
We were broke but I put everything we had to spare and a lot that we didn’t into a photography career. We’d had a terrible few years with a parental divorce, lots of sickness, and severe anxiety that we jumped at anything that we thought could bring back happiness. My husband has been supportive since day one. The rest of our family and friends some tried, most cared less, and a few let us have it for being “stupid.” It was hard to push through with very little encouragement. I became the bread winner by accident really and my husband hit the books to follow his own dreams. I had to sell myself short over and over to cover the bills and get food on the table. We had a baby to feed after all. It became interesting to me how no one thought about that aspect only about getting the best deal for what they wanted and slowly the art and purpose of the job began to leak out. It became all about the money and I could only do so much.
What I believe to be my lives purpose is falling away from me. After all I didn’t fall into photography by chance. The twists and turns that have gotten me to where I am today can only be explained by fate and so I’m lost. I love that people love photography and that it is readily available. Memories are important to keep but portraiture is not as easy and simple as it looks. I’ve worked years and years and years to be here and I know I have more work to do. Trust me I’m my worst critic but I’m out of time. I can’t make the bills giving things away and trying to please everyone. I want to. I really do but I can’t.
My heart is broken in more ways than one. You can only hear about so many friends and friends of friends and sisters and uncles who do so much more than you before your heart is shattered on the floor. Have I done nothing great in all these years and struggles. Is my job really that meaningless to those around me. I hate writing this but what else can I do? I’m at a crossroads. I’ve never been one to give up without a fight but I’ve not got much fight left in me. Photography chose me but I may have no choice but to let it go.
Trying to dance in the rain…